I Didn’t Know I Was Lost Until I Was Found

I was never one to believe in divine intervention but maybe it is real. Maybe it’s always there and if you chose to act upon it us up to you. I never thought on a Sunday, at my favorite bar at 2pm in the afternoon I would have a conversation with a stranger and that from that moment on my life would be completely changed. Changed in a good way, in a happy way, so much that I can’t imagine my life being any other way from this point on nor can I remember what my life was like prior. I only thought fairy tales and happy ever after were only Hollywood magic but I have come to realize that it can happen to anyone. Even the plain Joe having a beer on a Sunday who were just stranger’s hours before can have it. They can have it without trying or looking, that’s when you know that your heart is ready to open up. You can’t give someone a gift if it is broken, you can only give them the gift if it is fixed, repaired and completely ready. If you try to give it too soon then it won’t last, it will lose its appeal too quickly, like a disregarded Christmas toy in January. This one made me realize all the boys I thought I was in love with, at one time or another, I wasn’t. They were just something to do to pass the time and more of lust or attention seeking relationship than the real deal. This could have the potential to blow up in our faces, leaving us scarred, broken and battered but that is the risk I am willing to take. Throughout the years I have built my walls very high surrounding my heart but I have decided to give him the ladder to climb them. I am even willing to hand him the sledgehammer that will knock them down completely without even wincing at the first blow. Sometimes dumb luck or being in the right place at the right time is when you find your happily-ever-after and I’m positive the stars and the moon got tired of us trying to figure it out on our own and finally pushed us together with such force that even if we tried we wouldn’t survive without each other. This is the type of love one doesn’t recover from, the type of love that you compare everyone after too.    

This adorable human waltzed right into my life without even trying and has yet to leave. He occupies my time and my headspace without even knowing it most of the time. I don’t want him to ever leave that space either. He violates my personal space in a way that makes me feel secure and loved at the same time. We hardly go very long without touching each other, a small pat here and there, holding hands or small PDA, which we both swore we hated. We cuddle without even realizing it, our bodies just fit together like puzzle pieces. He looks me in the eye every chance he gets and refuses to look away. At times I feel like he is a cartoon character looking at me like a piece of pot roast while he is sharping his knife, wearing a big fake napkin bib, waiting for the right opportunity to pounce on his pray. The moments I don’t know how to react to this or what to say except to smile and let him stare at me with a gleam in his eye all the while trying to figure what is going on in the big head of his. His eyes are a beautiful hazel color that also makes it hard for me to look away for any period of time. If what they say about your eyes being the windows to your soul is true then from this point of view, I can see it is the most beautiful soul I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. His intentions are always true and his words have more weight to them inside of my heart than anyone else’s. When he says that he loves me, I believe it 100% without a question a doubt. To the outside looking in some would think we are nuts for this moving so fast but to us we are making up for the lost time we had lived without each other. If we would have met 10 years ago, who’s to say it would have worked out then? Maybe we need the growth, maturity and life experience to appreciate what this is and what we want it to be. A real grown up relationship without the self-doubt and insecurities that maturity teaches us.    

I love how his face gives away his emotions like a big billboard with flashing lights. I am not one to criticize this because I am also aware my thoughts and feelings always show on my face, regardless how hard I try to hide them. Being around him is the easiest thing I have ever done. We have yet to have any awkward moments or conversation and when that time comes I still don’t think it will be that bad. There is always a “honeymoon stage” to every relationship and for some reason I have a feeling this one is going to last a while. Reality won’t let us have this moment forever but for some reason I think we will have it for longer than most. The permanent smile that permeates my face all day is something I have grown accustom to. My mood has been the best and most stable it has been in years when I feel sad or depressed it doesn’t last. He forces me to talk about it, even the most trivial things that I have over reacted too or completely made up in my mind. I soften his emotions and reactions which would normally be in your face, direct and right to the point. This isn’t a trait or communication method of choice but when you are born under the Aries sign (yes I believe in the stars and moon when it comes to certain characteristics), it comes with the territory. As for being an Aries myself I find we understand each other on a different level and we can communicate in our own ways without any defenses raised or a break down arising. He has claimed that I center him, finding inner peace and realizing when to react and when to not. My edges have also softened with him; I’m no longer scoured or trying to prove to others that I don’t have feelings that can be hurt. We find peace with each other and any period of time away from each other makes us miss each other even more. Friends have often said “could you stop being so cute together” and that makes us laugh because we have no intentions of ever stopping.  

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