Could You Turn Your Blouse Down?

I’m one of those regular weird people- Janis Joplin

I have always felt that I have dressed, acted and even had a different thought process than most of those around me.  Never to be ashamed of this, just aware of it’s existence.   Being a girl is hard enough, but being a weird one who is fashion handicapped makes it even harder.

As most of the people in my life know, being fashion savvy isn’t always my thing. There are times I look like I just rolled out of bed, most chances are that is exactly what has happened. I prefer the color black and for my ass to be covered, literally. From a young age when shopping for clothes (pants especially) my mom always wanted to make sure I could move properly in my outfit.  Sit down, bend over, put your arms over your head were the things she always made me do, before we could leave the dressing room.  This is still the ritual I preform when trying on cclothes-smalllothes before buying them and also when getting dressed for the day.  It never fails that I will utter “I’m too fat to bend over” and work myself into a slight sweating mess at least once a week with this activity.  Anything that may feel like it will be bothersome at any point in my day, is quickly discarded for something more suiting. If I do decide to wear some kind of dress or skirt, a quick leg hair check is always done before making the final decision. Chances are if you do see me in capris or shorts, I did a quick shave up to the hem line prior to leaving the house.   The amount of walking one will be doing should always considered prior to picking out shoes for the day.  The color of mine don’t matter, since 99% of them are black with some slight variations.  Summer fashion is really easy and simple to understand, anything that doesn’t make me sweat more or show signs of the sometimes excess amounts of moisture I am perspiring, is always a go.  Winter fashion is the direct opposite, I want anything that will keep my warm and can be layered.  If the temperature is below 30 degrees, there is a large chance my head will be in a stocking cap.   Prime makeup and hair season is Fall/Spring, no worrying about it sweating it off or the humidity being my worst enemy.

I prefer fabrics that do not require much care or any for that fact.  If it requires more than throwing it into the washing and hanging it up, there is a 99% change I will only wear it once.  I have been known to iron a few things but those are mainly for Davis because I want him to look like a normal human until he is out of my house, then he can look like the slob he is internally hardwired to be.  He does struggle with pants perpetually being 3″ too short and the mind set that white socks match everything.   Shirts at times can be a struggle for the both of us, we often joke we are  the Goldilocks of Shirts.  Too short, too scratchy, too whatever and it often takes me 3 tries to get just the right one and by the right one I mean the ones I always wear instead of the ones that have been hanging there lifeless for months, sometimes years.46446fa3967b194b046a1125a4f27ad2

 Having a job that allows me to dress fairly casual is a blessing, because if I had to coordinate outfits and look like a professional, there is no way I would only be 15 minutes late everyday, they would be lucky to see me at 10 and I would still be unmatched.  The thoughts of coordinating jewelry along with this and shoes that aren’t black also gives me anxiety.  I put a pair of earring in and wear them for 6 months or longer before coming bored.  Necklaces I can sometimes pull off but I only own a few and any rings I had previously worn have long ago been put away.

The love/hate relationship with my hair will be never ending.  There is too much of it and like most things in my life, has a mind of its own.  I tame it the best I can until it becomes what is known to my friends as “broom hair”. Which means it is roughly the texture of a broom and then I know it is time to cut it all off again.  I always have good intentions of using the appropriate products to prevent this, but 10 days in I give up and continue with frying my hair off.  Girls who own 1,000 different makeups, brushes and whatnot’s alwaimages.jpgys amaze me.  Some of my friends can pull this off and that is wonderful.  I on the other hand think a good eyeliner and mascara can conquer the world.  I have yet to complimented on my eyelids being a different color from the opposite sex and recently heard complaints from a few bartenders that people who wear lipstick/gloss/chapstick are the worst when it comes to washing glasses.  So with all of that being said, I am going to continue wearing what I want and when I want, as simple and wallflower as that may be considered.  If for some reason I remain single and alone the rest of life because I didn’t wear enough pink on my cheeks and purple on my shirt then I will know the real reason. Why have loud clothes when you can have a loud personality.



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