The Joys of Owning a GM Product

We all have had that one car that no matter what you do to it, it will never die. The only reason most GM’s are still ruling the road is because they are paid off and the insurance company pretty much pays you to keep driving it.  The perk of getting it licensed every year is that eventually it will cost more in gas to get there than the actually tags for a year.  I know these factors are why I’m still driving a red (well 1/2 of it is, the other 1/2 is a nice faded pink with no clear coat) 10 year old, Pontiac G6.  In the past 6 years that I have been able to call this beast my very own and we have had some pretty awesome adventures.

The heater has two settings, of which are either molten lava coming of the vents or ice cubes.  imageIf I get in my car wearing a coat I always expect the scene with John Candy in Planes, Trains & Automobiles.  If you don’t know what I am talking about, do yourself a favor, stop reading this right now and go watch it.  The AC also has the same settings which makes you very thankful this model did not come with the option of leather seats, the black interior is already enough to question your existence.  This interior has held up through the years quite nicely until my child who was about 7 years old, left a bag of crayons in the backseat, over a weekend during the summer.  This happened to make a nice waxy mark right in the middle of back seat.  I’m sure there are ways to remove this stain but at the same time it makes it water repellent along with adding character.  Other than the permanent pop stain/stickiness that resides in the cup holders, with hair & snack crumbs in all the nooks and crannies the interior is almost like it rolled out of the factory.  Mind you this was the GM factory so quality is roughly 3 out of 5 stars.

When you own a GM  product you expect unknown lights, sounds and mysterious things to just happen.  Of course the first few times you panic and contemplate trading the damn thing off but after a while you just learn to turn the radio up and the noise eventually goes away.  I know that being a mechanic’s daughter this is the direct opposite of what you are supposed to do, but hey sometimes the car will work itself out.  It’s old, tired and sometimes makes noise, but don’t we all?  I have have even been guilty of telling a mechanic “Hey, it’s a 10 year old GM product, it makes noise.  What do you expect?” All of which was followed by a blank stare and complete silence.  I took that as a sign he completely understood and had no rebuttal.  Luckily this finely tuned automobile has not required me to sell a kidney to keep it on the road and most repairs have been minor.  Breaking the serpentine belt in the Amigos parking lot which required a boy to fix, that I then had to take to dinner as a thank you, I believe was the most major repair.  Not the belt itself but the emotional traimageuma caused by the actual Thank You date.  That one is in the books for the most horrendous dates I have ever been on and that is directly related to the food eating competition (1 pan of enchiladas) he entered himself into and then proceeded to win.  The victory prize was him wearing a sombrero for the remainder of the night while sporting sauce all over his shirt. I would have rather paid $100 for those enchiladas than witness that spectacle, as I sat there speechless (that tells you the severity of the situation), contemplating how I could make an exit without being noticed by the large crowd that had gathered.  The occasional air bag light will come on and the situation that sets this off is never consistent.  Sometimes it’s going 60mph down the highway and others is when just driving around town.  I always had the fear this meant it would implode at any given moment, decapitating myself, but after some light Google searching it is just a sensor and should cause no worry.  I still worry every time I go over the railroad tracks while this light is on, though.  Going over the rail tracks also has a tendency to cause the radio to blink on and off, once again I’ve come to accept this as perfectly normal occurrence.  The clock has a habit of becoming 2-5 minutes limages-3ate at any moment.  My son has gone crazy setting this clock to the correct time for it to be adjusted ever so slightly in the mysteries of the night.  One never knows when it will happen, it could be the next day or it could take weeks.  The inability to remove the CD from the CD player happened sometime in the past, also there probably wasn’t a certain incident that caused this to become a permanent fixture of the car, either. The car I had previously owned also had a radio issue that meant it would only work if the lights were turned on.  Once again a fine GM product let loose on the road.

There are numerous replicas of my car in this town so I don’t think I was victimization by two senseless acts of vandalism, they just both happened to be random.  I once had my drivers window shot out with a BB gun which was more of pain in my butt than the actual damage.  I had the joys of driving 50 miles back home with a duct taped window on the outside and a plastic bag taped to the inside.  The contraption broke loose 20 miles into my journey, causing a shattered car window to slide across the highway at 60mph.  The rest of the ride home could be described as driving in a wind tunnel.  The other act just happened this week and involved pink spray paint.  Anyone should know that hot pink clashes with red and just looks tacky.  I was fortunate that it was minimal damage and I was able to remove this paint with a little elbow grease and fingernail polish remover.  Which is handy information, in case another situation were to arise.

My car also sports a cracked front in and a bent license plate, this is what happens when you run into the back of someone’s much larger pickup and their ball hitch fits exactly into your grill.  After a few tears and some verbal abuse from the older gentleman that did not appreciate me intruding his trucks personal space and for lack of better of words, assholing him in broad daylight.  I drove like this for a while until a friend could not take it anymore and decided to straighten and then duct tape my plate into the shape it was intended.  imageThe zip ties that hold the plate into place have only been replaced once, which isn’t too shabby considering this has been a few years.  Someone way before me decided that after factory rims were necessary which now requires me to care a lug nut key everywhere I go for when I need to get my tires fixed or some other random thing that may happen to them.  This key has caused me more headaches in the recent years than worth, due the local mechanics inability to remember to put the damn thing back in my car when finished.  This has caused a few ass chewings by me to them and now I just have another thing to remember in my already chaotic brain.

Luckily the trunk is large enough to hold a sporting goods store and room for a large cooler filled with beverages of my choosing. Part of the mobile sporting good store I am currently driving around includes a bowling ball.  It’s normally forgotten about until the right bump is hit, making you think you just lost a tire, but in reality it’s a bowling ball hitting the top of the trunk,  trying to make its hasty exit.  I’m sure one of these days the trunk will no longer latch and it will all be my self inflicted tourture I bestowed upon it.  Owning a 10 year old GM product is never boring to say the least and in all honestly I wouldn’t know what to do with a car that didn’t have this much character.

 

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