If you had read my previous post you would already know that I am a born and raised Nebraskan. I always thought life would take me somewhere more grand and extravagant but it had other ideas for me. Plans that I would not change in a million years because honestly once your child reaches the age of 12, you are kind of attached to them and it’s really a pain in the butt to return them. So here I stay, 30 miles from where I was born and raised and the reasons why I am continuing to stay are outweighing the reasons of why I don’t pack my bags and run away. So I decided I would enlighten some of you as to what my reasoning really are; welcome to Why I say, Chapter 2.
The threat of being murdered, raped or assaulted by another person or animal is astronomically low in the vast land of open spaces. Don’t get me wrong the whole state isn’t a land of absolutely nothing, we do have a few cities and yes there is a crime but in 2014 the murder rate was 54 people. Luckily this is not a daily number as it is in some other parts of the county, if not higher; this is the whole state for 1 year. Also another concern of any female who leaves her house at any point in her day, always considers the fact any man could grab and rape her. This is something that our parents warn us about, starting at a fairly young age, maybe as a scare tactic or to make us aware of our surroundings. I have never had this fear for numerous reasons, one of them is because out of all the options of someone to rape, I think of myself being the bottom 25%. I am loud, I’m a big girl and I also do not dress like a prostitute nor do I allow myself to be in strange places at night alone. Those were the type of places my mom always warned me about. Never mind the fact that women are assaulted on walking trails, in parks or anywhere a rapist sees an opportunity. I have walked home alone and late at night and I have even walked down dark alleys at 3 am in the morning. Not to any of my surprise, I was the only one there and not once did I heard the scary music that is always played in movies. Frankly if I were to hear this music, I’m not quite sure what I would do. Probably let out some scream/scared noise followed by peeing of my pants while a slow run takes me 10 feet away before my demise.
So after dodging all the rapist and killers that are larking around in the bushes, the threat of an animal attacking or killing you is always present as well. Last time I checked cows were not crazed killing machines, thank God because they outnumber us here 3-1. The only way you could possible die from a cow is from mad cow disease and if you are the lucky .5 in 1000 humans that decides to eat contaminated meat, then honestly that is your own damn fault. Also you could eat tons of raw beef, developing worms and never seeking treatment. Other than those, I’m sure there are other ways to die from cows, such as an injury but until then I’m going to keep enjoying their tasty contributions of hamburgers, roast and steaks. Another great threat of killer animals that are allowed to roam freely is the snake population. I believe that all snakes are 10 foot long and eye balling me as a snack. My defense tactic against them is to scream, run into the house and stay there for a month. I’ve always been told that garter snakes are more afraid of humans than we are of them. This statement I highly doubt because out of my 34 years I have managed to out scream and run them all. Luckily we only have 4 types of poisonous snakes and most of them reside in the northern part of the state where there isn’t really much anyways, so they can just stay there. We have the occasional injury or death due to being bucked off of a horse or it rolling on top of you. I also don’t see myself becoming a cowgirl anytime soon, so that threat is also diminished. There are a few mountain lions that manage to make their way into residential areas every now and again but I’ve never seen one except for stuffed in a museum. I honestly don’t think they are looking at me as a tasty snack, I’m too big and tough and over all I would be a pain in the ass to drag off and try eating. They should stick to small animals like tasty poodles and stray cats. The threat of being bit by a brown recluse and a black widow spider is apparently high due to our cozy environment but once again I have never had any issues. I try to avoid most spiders a general rule but it seems most of my friends (guys none the less) are scared of them. So as a trade off they rescue me from the snakes and flush any reported spiders down the toilet for them. Now it is time for the fun fact about Nebraska, the number one killer in this state is the white tailed deer. This animal is probably the dumbest, in my opinion, when it comes to the ability of crossing a road. They also like to stand in the middle of the road, especially at dawn or dusk and then panic, causing accidents from them darting around while humans traveling at high speeds try to avoid them.
Car, tractor, pickup and semi-trailer accidents also claim the lives of numerous Nebraskans, roughly 250 in the year of 2015. This could be because Nebraskans haven’t quite figured out the whole driving concept, even though most of us started at the age of 10. Driving in Nebraska is a whole other topic and with no worries probably will be making its debut pretty soon. Knowing my luck, that will be what finally gets me killed, in a dark alley while being chased by a very large snake, eating a hamburger.